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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934925">berenstein</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/candymin/pseuds/candymin'>candymin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Childhood Friends, Drinking, Humor, Kissing, M/M, Unrequited Love, chenle is too woke for a 19 year old, enemies to friends for jaemin and his alter ego lmao, jaemin is very in love, tiny bit of fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:55:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/candymin/pseuds/candymin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Wait, you’re going on a date?? With who?” he asks incredulously.<br/>“What do you mean ‘with who’? With my boyfriend. Renjun,” the boy responds, grabbing his car keys. Jaemin feels like his whole world has been thrown off its axis, which, let’s be honest, it probably has. <i>Wait a minute, car keys? I can drive in this universe?? Okay, let’s take them one at a time. </i></p><p>or: Jaemin gets thrown into an alternate reality where his alter-ego is dating the love of the last ten years of his life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>berenstein</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello! i don't really know what this is but it wouldn't leave my head so i had to write it<br/>this fic is based on the song <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/0VXI7SOcGQQ1SLjyJaaIEa?si=GVrsKYB1QtiIeYD9V5_iAw">berenstein</a> by the band camino and it's loosely inspired by the film kimi no na wa (your name) aka i wrote it while listening to the soundtrack. i recommend you check it out for the vibes, especially the song <a href="https://open.spotify.com/track/3A4FRzgve9BjfKbvVXRIFO?si=JRmEtIecTNeeOWk3ft--3A">sparkle</a>, which i imagined would be playing during the last scenes if this were a film ;;<br/>shoutout to my friend and beta <a href="https://twitter.com/noceurtiniti">ti</a> for the support &lt;3<br/>i hope you enjoy this!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> At another place in time </em>
</p><p>
  <em> You were infinitely mine </em>
</p><p> </p><p>For as long as he can remember, Jaemin has been in love with Renjun. A little over ten years have passed since a ten year-old Renjun moved to Seoul and landed in Jaemin’s class, on the chair next to him, flashing a sweet, snaggletoothed smile with crinkly eyes as he extended his hand to introduce himself: “Hi, I’m Renjun, I came from China!” </p><p>A little over ten years have passed since Renjun moved to Seoul and landed in Jaemin’s heart, securing a spot which would forever be his, Jaemin is sure. </p><p>And Jaemin’s had his fair share of flirting with him ever since they both turned 16 and confessed to each other that they weren’t really all that into girls. Playful, subtle flirting, of course, the kind that Jaemin would sometimes practise with their middle school friends, Donghyuck and Jeno, too, much to their dismay. Some days they would even entertain it, mocking each other, sometimes with Jeno hinting at the oh-so-obvious relationship Jaemin and Renjun have, because “<em>there’s no way you’re this obsessed with each other without being in love </em> .” Renjun would then scoff and make a point of how they’re simply very good childhood friends and how “ <em> it’s not my fault you’ve never had any real friends, Jeno. </em> ” Jaemin would make an effort to laugh out loud, hoping that maybe, <em> just maybe </em> they won’t hear his heart cracking. </p><p>And most of the time Jaemin didn’t have a problem with the fact that he’s harbouring unrequited, romantic feelings for his childhood friend. Sure, his chest constricted every time he thought of the unrequited part of the situation, but with Renjun, he found that it still felt genuinely fulfilling to love him, even from afar and with the certainty that it will never amount to anything more. Because the happiness of having someone as fascinating and inspiring as Renjun in his life — and being his number one best friend, no less — was definitely worth the heartache. And he was a hopeless romantic. Happy love, fulfilled love, sad, unrequited love… It was all love to him. </p><p>So yes, he never really had a problem with it… until Renjun got a boyfriend. And not just a boyfriend. He got the worst possible option, too. Just after Jaemin turned 17, Renjun confessed to him that he’s been in love with a certain boy ever since he met him. And of course Jaemin got his hopes up, because why else would Renjun be saying that to <em> him </em>, with such a shy, nervous smile, in the backyard of his house as they’re looking at the stars at 2 am on a summer night? And so Jaemin propped himself up on his elbows and turned to face him so that he could cherish every moment of the confession he’s been longing for for the last seven years. Except it never came. No, instead came a long, devastating speech about how for the last three years, all Renjun could think about was Donghyuck and how he was planning to finally ask him out. </p><p>Even now, as all four of them are celebrating Donghyuck’s 20th birthday, Jaemin looks at how he has his arms around Renjun’s waist and can’t help but think that he is the worst possible option… precisely because he’s the best one, too. </p><p>“Hey, enjoying the party?” Jeno asks as he leans against the wall next to him. </p><p>Jaemin watches as Renjun presses a long peck to Donghyuck’s lips, his arms snaked around his neck in their slow-dancing stance. </p><p>“Sure,” he replies without conviction and brings the red solo cup to his mouth to take a sip. </p><p>“Come on,” Jeno grabs his arm.</p><p>“Where are we going?” </p><p>“The balcony. This isn’t doing you any good,” he says, guiding him through the sliding glass doors. They sit down at the table where a sleeping Chenle is drooling over his arm. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Jaemin protests and Jeno throws him a reprimanding look. “Okay, maybe I’m not fine,” he says defeatedly.</p><p>“Yeah,” Jeno confirms.</p><p>“Hey, what would you want me to do?” Jaemin retorts, “The guy I’ve been in love with for a decade is in a serious relationship with one of my best friends!”</p><p>“I want you to move on, Jaemin, that’s what I want,” Jeno cuts, leaning back on his chair. </p><p>“Yeah, dude,” Chenle apparently mutters, “you need to move on.”</p><p>“It’s not that easy.” </p><p>“You’re not even trying, though. Go out, meet some people, there’s plenty of other fish in the sea,” Jeno reasons, earning a deflated sigh.</p><p>“He’s the love of my life,” Jaemin whispers.</p><p>“Hey, dude,” Chenle says, sitting up straight, “at least you’re together in some universe, right?” </p><p>Jaemin furrows his brows in confusion. “Is this your best attempt at comforting me?”</p><p>“It’s true, though. Some people find comfort in that,” Chenle says with a shrug.</p><p>“Don’t listen to him, he’s drunk.”</p><p>“Am not!” Chenle protests with a frown. “And it <em> is </em> true. There are multiple universes, just like this one, where our lives are completely different. Time passes differently too!” He points at Jaemin. “There are tons of Jaemins out there and at least one of them is dating Renjun. Don’t be salty because you’re not one of them. Be happy for the other Jaemins!” he concludes with a grin. </p><p>Jaemin scowls. “Chenle, I swear to g—“</p><p>“I mean it! It’s called the alternate reality theory. If you don’t believe me, look it up! Some scientists believe you can even travel to those parallel universes! There was something about touching a mirror, I think, it’s actually quite interesting…“</p><p>“Sure, Chenle,” Jeno snorts before taking a swig of his beer. </p><p>Chenle glares at him. “You guys are no fun.” </p><p>Before Jaemin can reply, Renjun pops his head through the door. “Hey, we’re bringing out the cake, are you guys coming?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin answers, “you guys go ahead, I have to use the restroom.” </p><p> </p><p>He glances at his watch. 11:47 PM.<em> I’ll just stick around for another hour or two. </em> He looks in the mirror through his blurry vision and almost doesn’t recognise himself. His pink hair has faded and the circles under his eyes seem darker. He looks tired. A forced smile finds his lips, but no matter how much he tries, it doesn’t stick. He sighs deeply and leans in to wipe at some drops of water on the mirror. His hand lingers and he thinks he sees a light.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>Jaemin wakes up with a whine when a ray of sunshine hits his eyes. He doesn’t remember when or how he got home last night, but he’s grateful he did. He sits up, looking around his bedroom and for a brief second he has a feeling that something is wrong. He shrugs it off, blaming his lack of sleep, but then the door opens and he sees him. He’s wearing a green hoodie that Jaemin has never seen before and his black hair is pushed up, revealing a small scar on his forehead. He stops in his tracks when they make eye contact and wipes at his eyes.</p><p>“What the fuck?” the boy whispers with a frown.</p><p>“Who are you?” Jaemin asks warily, shifting uncomfortably in his bed.</p><p>“I’m Jaemin. Who the fuck are you?” </p><p>Jaemin’s breath hitches in his throat. <em> It’s okay, you’re probably just dreaming. </em></p><p>“I’m Jaemin, too,” he replies quietly. </p><p>“Well yeah, I can see that. Why are you in my house?” the other Jaemin asks, more confused than angry. </p><p>“T— this is my house.”</p><p>“No, it’s not, look around,” he says, gesturing around the room and now that Jaemin is fully-awake he realises it’s true. This is not his bedroom. He slowly gets out of bed to inspect his surroundings. The room has the same feeling, but it’s <em> different </em>. The walls are a pale blue colour instead of white, the familiar laundry basket is now made of wicker instead of plastic and there is an orange bean bag on the floor that Jaemin doesn’t recognise. Suddenly, he feels like he can’t breathe.</p><p>“Where am I?” he asks cautiously, eyeing the other Jaemin, who was now searching through <em> his </em> closet. </p><p>“Uh… Seoul?” he says, not bothering to look at Jaemin.</p><p>“Can you at least <em> pretend </em>that meeting a clone of yourself is a little more life-changing?” Jaemin sighs.</p><p>“Mm? Oh, sorry,” the other boy turns around to face him. “I can’t find my yellow shirt,” he chuckles and Jaemin, honest to god, wants to punch him… self?</p><p>Jaemin shoots forward and slaps him across the face. </p><p>“Um… ouch? What the fuck was that?” the other Jaemin yells, rubbing his cheek. </p><p>“Hm… it appears I’m not dreaming,” Jaemin muses.</p><p>“Shouldn’t <em> I </em> have slapped you to check that?” the boy protests with a scowl. </p><p>“Shhh!” Jaemin covers his mouth with his hand. “You wouldn’t want mum to come in and have a heart attack, would you?” </p><p>The boy mumbles in agreement and Jaemin lets him go. </p><p>“What year is it?” </p><p>“2020.”</p><p>Jaemin sits back on the bed, grabbing his chin. “Okay, so we’re still in the present…” he mumbles to himself.</p><p>“Listen, dude. I’d love to stay and help you figure out why you’ve been thrown into an alternate reality, but I gotta bail. I’ve got a date in like 20 minutes,” the other Jaemin explains, discarding his pyjama shirt in favour of a bright blue one. Jaemin scrunches his nose at his choice of clothes.</p><p>“Wait! Alternate reality!” he gasps, jumping up. “Oh my fucking god, Zhong Chenle, this is all your fault!” he curses at the sky.</p><p>The other gives him a concerned look. “You do realise he’s not dead. You can just call him if you want to yell at someone.” </p><p>Jaemin nods vigorously and searches for his phone, only to realise he doesn’t have it. <em> Must have forgotten it in the other universe.  </em></p><p>“Here,” the boy throws him his phone. </p><p>“Thanks,” Jaemin says and begins typing in Chenle’s name before the realisation hits him. “Wait, you’re going on a date?? With who?” he asks incredulously. </p><p>“What do you mean ‘with who’? With my boyfriend. Renjun,” the boy responds, grabbing his car keys. Jaemin feels like his whole world has been thrown off its axis, which, let’s be honest, it probably has. <em> Wait a minute, car keys? I can drive in this universe?? Okay, let’s take them one at a time. </em></p><p>“You’re dating Renjun?! What about Donghyuck?” </p><p>“Donghyuck? You mean Jeno’s three years long boyfriend Donghyuck?” </p><p>Jaemin thinks his eyes will pop out of his sockets. He grabs his hair and plops back down on the bed. </p><p>“Renjun is dating Donghyuck in my timeline. I— I’ve been in love with Renjun for ten years…” he whispers, more to himself, but the other Jaemin catches it and decides to be very helpful:</p><p>“Yikes. Sounds like a you problem.” </p><p>Jaemin glares at him. “It’s not a me problem! It’s an <em> us </em> problem!” he yells, growing frustrated at the other boy’s nonchalance. </p><p>“Well, between you and me, I’m the one going on a date and you’re the one stuck in a parallel universe so I don’t know what to tell you, dude,” he states simply. Boy, does Jaemin want to throw the phone at his head. </p><p>“I didn’t know I was such an asshole in other universes,” Jaemin grumbles, turning his attention back to the phone.</p><p>“Hey, you’re the one who landed in my bedroom out of nowhere. What if mum found you instead of me? Not very considerate of you,” he says, putting on a jacket. </p><p>Jaemin lets out an outraged gasp. “Oh, I’m the one who’s not considerate?! You won’t even help me figure out what the fuck’s going on! Shouldn’t you be nicer to yourself?”</p><p>The other Jaemin has the audacity to roll his eyes. “Whatever, man. I have to go. We’ll deal with this— he gestures vaguely in Jaemin’s direction —later.”</p><p>“What about me? What am I supposed to do until then?” </p><p>“Well, you said for whatever reason that it’s Chenle’s fault. Go meet up with him and <em> please </em> make sure nobody sees you. Wear a bucket hat or something,” he throws him the same bucket hat he has at home, except in white instead of black. </p><p>“Fine,” he replies. “You really trust me to be alone in here?”</p><p>The other boy ponders for a second. “Yeah. You’re me, aren’t you?” Jaemin nods. “I trust myself,” he says before leaving the room. </p><p>Jaemin takes a deep breath. <em> Renjun, a car, self-confidence. This motherfucker really has it all. </em> He lets out a light chuckle and dials Chenle’s number. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>“Yo, Jaemin, my man!” Chenle says with an aggressive wave when Jaemin enters the pub. </p><p>“Um, hi,” Jaemin says, sitting down across from him.</p><p>“I’m so glad you asked me to hang out! I was honestly beginning to feel a little left out since you started dating Renjun,” he chuckles and Jaemin’s heart aches a little. </p><p>“Uh, yeah, about that. Listen, I actually asked you here for a favour.”</p><p>“Sure, anything for you! Hit me,” he grins.</p><p>“This is gonna sound a little crazy, but bear with me, okay?” Jaemin raises his eyebrows, fidgeting with the other Jaemin’s phone. Chenle nods and leans it, propping his elbows on the table as if he’d sensed the gravity of the situation.</p><p>“I’m not actually Jaemin. I mean I am. But not really. There’s another Jaemin, too. He’s the original Jaemin that you know. I’m not from here,” Chenle quirks an eyebrow. “I don’t know what’s happening and you’re the one who first told me about this… alternate reality shit and I need you to fix it. Please?” he concludes, fluttering his lashes. </p><p>Chenle leans back in his chair, processing. He scratches his head before a look of pure shock finds his face. </p><p>“Oh my god. You’re from another timeline…” Chenle whispers. Jaemin breathes a sigh of relief, perhaps a little too fast as the next second has Chenle shooting forward with wide eyes. “How am I in your timeline? Am I a famous basketball player? A singer? Oh my god, am I friends with Stephen Curry?” he says, with what Jaemin thinks is too fast of a pace to be understood by regular people. </p><p>“Chenle! This isn’t about you! I’m stuck here!” </p><p>“Oh, <em> please </em>! Tell me a bit about myself! This is so exciting! Please, please, please, pleas—” </p><p>“Okay, okay!” Jaemin gives in. Chenle watches him with the look of a child who’s asking about Santa. <em> What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.  </em></p><p>“You’re a worldwide known singer <em> and </em> you’re friends with Stephen Curry,” he lies, silently hoping this is true in some universe, at least. </p><p>“Alright! Go Chenle!” Chenle raises a fist in victory and Jaemin laughs. “Okay, what’s your problem?” he asks in a serious tone.</p><p>“I don’t know why or how I ended up here and I need to go back. The me of this universe is annoying as fuck,” Jaemin says with a disgusted face. </p><p>Chenle giggles. “Okay, well. I don’t know a lot about this, but I remember reading something about mirrors being the gate between universes. Did you touch any mirrors recently?”</p><p>Jaemin thinks about the party and his eyes light up in understanding. “You’re right, I did!” a smile finds his lips and then immediately drops. “But wait. It’s not like it was the first time in my life I touched a mirror. There has to be something else,” he reasons and Chenle nods.</p><p>“True. Maybe the universe sent you here to do something. Are you from 2020, too?” Jaemin nods. “Okay, then think about it. What’s the fundamental difference of our realities?” </p><p>Jaemin leans back in his chair and thinks about his conversation with the other Jaemin. <em> It’s still 2020, it’s still Seoul, he looks the same, except for the arguably worse fashion sense and the black hair. He does have a car though and… oh! </em></p><p>“Renjun!” Jaemin leans back in, “He’s dating Renjun!” </p><p>“Oh. And what’s the situation in your timeline?” Chenle asks, taking a sip of his neglected milkshake. </p><p>“Renjun’s been dating Donghyuck for the past three years,” he says with a pained expression, “and I’ve been in love with Renjun for the past ten years.” </p><p>“Well that’s it!” Chenle says excitedly. “The universe sent you here to be with Renjun!” </p><p>Jaemin raises an eyebrow and his pulse starts accelerating. “It— it did?” </p><p>“Yes! Think about it, Jaem! You love the guy for half your life, he loves someone else, you can’t move on, boom, a parallel universe!” he gestures, speaking as if everything made sense and honestly, his enthusiasm almost convinces Jaemin. <em> Almost. </em></p><p>“What about the other Jaemin? Where will he go?” </p><p>Chenle lets out a laugh. “I didn’t mean you’ll be with him forever. You’d probably have to make a deal with Jaemin. Date Renjun for like a week. You know, like a free trial,” he tilts his head like a dog, frowning. “Kinda.” </p><p>Jaemin frowns. “Wouldn’t that make me more miserable after I go back?” </p><p>“I don’t know. It could help you move on, too.”</p><p>Jaemin is not entirely sure that would be possible but his heart is racing at the prospect of being able to date Renjun, so he doesn’t insist. “Do you think Jaemin would ever agree to this?” he asks, hopeful.</p><p>Chenle sips the last of his milkshake and hums. “I think so. He can be difficult sometimes, but he’s a hopeless romantic underneath it all.” Jaemin smiles to himself. <em> That I can relate to. </em>“And he believes in fate, even if he won’t always admit it. Just like me. Also… he’s you. Or, at least, part of you. Every person is spread across multiple realities and every one of those parts makes us who we are. There wouldn’t be a Jaemin without him, just like there wouldn’t be a Jaemin without you. You’re more than just connected, you’re one and the same.” Jaemin nods slowly. “The universe works in mysterious ways, Jaem. I think this is its way of apologising to you. You have to hurt in one reality in order to be happy in another, you know,” he says, suddenly looking a lot wiser. Jaemin lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and smiles. </p><p>“Thanks, Chenle,” Chenle smiles back. “You know too much for a 19 year-old.”</p><p>“You’re only one year older than me.”</p><p>“Shut up, don’t ruin it.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>“Oh god, you’re still here,” the other Jaemin says upon entering the bedroom. Jaemin squints at him.</p><p>“You know, you’re gonna have to start being nicer to me if you wanna make this work.”</p><p>“Make what work? Didn’t Chenle tell you how to go back?” he asks as he takes off his jacket. </p><p>“He did. Sit down,” Jaemin pats the spot in front of him on the bed. </p><p>The other boy eyes him curiously but complies.</p><p>“In order for me to leave, I need to first do what I sent here to do.” </p><p>“Which is?”</p><p>“I need you to let me date Renjun,” Jaemin blurts out.</p><p>The other Jaemin gasps inaudibly. “Absolutely not.” </p><p>“Oh, come on! Just for a few days so I can move on and be happy for you, or whatever,” Jaemin tries, leaning forward.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Please?” he clasps his hands together, pouting. “Come on, Jaemin, this is me! I’ve been pining for him for ages! I’m talking a few weeks tops! Please! Do it for me. Do it for <em> you </em>!” he puts on his puppy eyes.</p><p>The other Jaemin groans. “Fine, I’ll give you three days.”</p><p>“Two weeks.”</p><p>“Five days.”</p><p>“One week and a half.”</p><p>“One week and you sleep on the right side of the bed,” the other Jaemin says. “Take it or leave it.” </p><p>Jaemin purses his lips. “Deal,” he offers his hand and the boy takes it.</p><p>“And we need to do something about the names. It’s too weird to call you Jaemin.”</p><p>Jaemin nods. “Okay, fair. You can be called Nana, then.”</p><p>“Hell no. Why should I be called something different? You’re in <em> my </em> timeline,” the boy protests, pointing at him.</p><p>“Fine, we’ll just let the narrator decide, then,” Jaemin says. </p><p>Nana squints his eyes. “One week, starting tomorrow. No more than that!” he warns. </p><p>Jaemin nods, flashing him his widest grin. Nana smiles back, for a change.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>Jaemin spent a large portion of his life daydreaming about dating Renjun. He thought about taking him to the movies, to amusement parks and all kinds of restaurants. He thought about picnics, skiing, playing board games, hiking, going dancing, having a weekend trip to Jeju or simply cooking together. In all the ten years that have passed, Jaemin thought about every single possible scenario involving Renjun, down to all the details and yet, right now, as his thigh is pressed against Renjun’s in the cinema seat, he finds that none of it compares to the real deal. Renjun’s gaze is focused on the screen, but Jaemin’s own is glued to his side profile. Renjun laughs with his whole body at whatever’s happening in the film and a strand of hair — a much lighter brown than the Renjun of his timeline, Jaemin notes — falls in his eyes. Jaemin reaches to brush it out of his face and his chest explodes when Renjun leans into the touch, so that he’s now caressing his cheek.</p><p>“What’s up with you today?” Renjun giggles, no trace of malice in his voice. “First, you dye your hair without telling me. To pink, of all colours. You show up in an all black outfit, too. And now you’re super affectionate.”</p><p>“Does it bother you?” Jaemin asks, a little taken aback. “I’ll stop if—”</p><p>“No, of course it doesn’t,” Renjun chuckles and leans in to press a short peck to Jaemin’s lips. “It’s cute,” he decides, turning back to the screen. </p><p>Jaemin freezes and he’s sure there’s a bright blush on his cheeks right now. He brings a hand to his bottom lip. </p><p>“Can you do that again?” he whispers, almost inaudible, afraid that raising his voice would mean breaking out of whatever dream he’s currently in. </p><p>“Do what?” Renjun asks.</p><p>“Can you kiss me?” </p><p>Renjun faces him and an amused smile finds his lips. “Of course, baby.”</p><p>Jaemin thinks he’s gonna faint from hearing the pet name but quickly finds out that’s nothing compared to the way Renjun’s soft lips fit against his. The kiss is gentle, charged with so much affection that Jaemin finds himself smiling into it. Renjun smells like peaches and tastes like buttery popcorn and it’s all so overwhelming, so intoxicating that Jaemin truly believes everything he’s ever done in his life was worth it if it meant it brought him to this moment. He cups his cheek and brings him closer, tongue asking for permission to part his lips. Renjun welcomes him and Jaemin wastes no time in exploring his mouth, turning the brief, chaste kiss into a lazy yet passionate one. Jaemin breaks away slightly to press their foreheads together. </p><p>“I love you,” he confesses quietly and the weight he’d been carrying in his chest subsides.</p><p>Renjun sighs in content and looks into his eyes just as his lips curl into a satisfied smile. “I love you more.” </p><p> </p><p>“How about a picnic tomorrow?” Jaemin asks as he walks Renjun home, hand in hand. A light breeze washes over them and Jaemin watches how the amber light of a setting sun caresses Renjun’s face.</p><p>“You wanna see me tomorrow too? Didn’t you get sick of me already?” Renjun lets out a soft laugh. </p><p>Jaemin brings his hand to his lips and presses a short, sweet kiss. “Never.” </p><p>Renjun flashes a toothy grin. “Okay. Picnic tomorrow, then.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>“Hey, I’m gonna need to borrow your car tomorrow,” Jaemin announces as he enters the room. Nana turns around from where he was playing a video game. </p><p>“I’m sorry?” he quirks an eyebrow.</p><p>“Yeah. Car. Oh, and some clothes. Renjun’s growing suspicious of me wearing all black. Not to mention the same outfit, too,” Jaemin chuckles, opening the doors to his closet and inspecting the clothes. “Mediocre style, but it’ll have to do,” he mumbles to himself.</p><p>“Uh, can we go back to you borrowing my car tomorrow?? Also, fuck you. Wearing black jeans with a black shirt and black sneakers isn’t even a style,” Nana comments with a frown.</p><p>Jaemin tilts his head, ignoring his remark. “What about me taking the car? You have a license, don’t you?” </p><p>“Of course I do. The question is: do you?” </p><p>Jaemin thinks about the four times he’s failed the driving test. “Sure.” </p><p>“Jaemin. We’re the same person. I can tell you’re full of shit.” </p><p>“Relax, I’m a great driver.” </p><p>Nana regards him with a scrutinising gaze. “Yeah, you’re not taking any car,” he decides, receiving a groan in response. “And don’t forget you only have four more days.” </p><p>“Got it,” Jaemin replies absentmindedly as he tries on a dark green shirt, the only dark item of clothing Nana seems to own. It fits perfectly, as expected, and even though it doesn’t really suit his style, Jaemin somehow feels like it suits <em> him </em>. </p><p>“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask. How come you weren’t freaked out when we met?” Jaemin says as he scavenges for an appropriate pair of jeans. </p><p>Nana ponders it for a second. “Hm. I don’t really know. I knew you were me. Aside from looks, I think I just… felt it? I can’t really put my finger on it,” he concludes. </p><p>Jaemin hums in understanding. “Makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>“Flowers? What’s the occasion?” Renjun asks upon opening the door. He’s wearing an oversized white shirt, looking as adorable as ever.</p><p>“No occasion, I just love you,” Jaemin replies. <em> And today is the last day I’ll ever be with you. </em></p><p>Renjun gasps, clutching his heart dramatically. “Na Jaemin! If I didn’t know any better, I would think you’re trying to win me over,” he teases, grabbing the daisies and stepping aside to let him in. </p><p>Jaemin’s lost count of how many times he’s been to Renjun’s house, at least in his timeline. He thinks he might have even spent more time there than at his own house, what with their daily after-school hangouts and every-other-day sleepovers. He knows every room and corner, every nook and cranny thanks to their hide-and-seek marathons and yet the house he’s just entered right now is nothing like the one he practically grew up in. The colours are different, the furniture is unrecognisable, hell, even the structure of the house itself is just… wrong. Jaemin opens his mouth to comment on it, but quickly realises that nothing is, in fact, wrong. He’d been so caught up in the moment, so preoccupied with his dates for the past week, so utterly entranced by the experience of finally holding Renjun’s heart that he completely forgot. No, the house is not different and Nana’s clothes and belongings aren’t inaccurate. Neither is Renjun’s hair colour and his sudden preference for mint chocolate ice cream as opposed to vanilla. No, in this universe, the only one that’s different is him. The only one that’s <em> wrong </em> is Jaemin. </p><p>“Baby?” Renjun calls out from the open kitchen, pulling him out of his thoughts. “Did you hear me?” </p><p>Jaemin shakes his head slightly and walks towards him. “I’m sorry, I was… thinking.”</p><p>“Oh,” Renjun quirks an eyebrow. “I asked what drink you’d like.”</p><p>“Uh, just water, please.”</p><p>Renjun stills for a second. “Really? Are you sure?”</p><p>“Y— yeah?” </p><p>“Oh,” Renjun shrugs and turns to the sink to fill up a glass. “It’s just, you never really drink water,” he explains and Jaemin freezes. <em> He fucked up. </em> “I’m happy to see you’re taking my advice about avoiding cola, though!” he continues with a sweet grin. </p><p>“Ah, yeah. Just thought I’d start watching my health,” Jaemin chuckles awkwardly. </p><p> </p><p>Renjun lets out a loud gasp at whatever plot twist the show they’re currently watching offered. He mutters something about one of the characters under his breath and Jaemin tightens his grip on his waist, pulling him closer to his chest. He turns his head slightly to the right to look at Renjun and where there should be warmth in his heart, now a thick layer of sadness resides. He thinks about the last seven days they’ve spent together, about every hug and every kiss, about every gentle pat on the head and every endearing pet name exchanged and suddenly it all seems very unfair. He loves Renjun. He loves all of Renjun, regardless of the timeline and the differences, regardless of his appearance and state of mind. He’s been loving Renjun for almost the better half of his life and the desire of being with him has been at the core of his soul for so long that he feels it with every fiber of his being. How could a love like that be wrong? Why is he the one who has to leave? Jaemin frowns. </p><p>“Hey, is everything okay?” Renjun whispers, turning his head to look at him from where he’s tucked under Jaemin’s chin. His eyes are impossibly wide and full of love and Jaemin decides he doesn’t want to give him up just yet. He shifts slightly to face him properly and pulls him in for a long, innocent peck on the lips. Renjun sighs softly and slides over to sit on his lap, settling his legs on either side of his thighs. Jaemin’s hands fall on his waist like clockwork and he swipes his tongue over Renjun’s bottom lip once before deepening the kiss. They stay like that for a few minutes, exchanging shallow pants and increasingly tighter grips on shoulders, waist and thighs before Jaemin breaks the kiss. </p><p>His eyes find Renjun’s half-lidded ones and he presses another quick peck to his now swollen lips. His vision feels blurry. “Do you wanna go on a road trip tomorrow?” he whispers, hand brushing his bangs out of his face.</p><p>Renjun breaks into a wide grin. “Really? I thought you were busy tomorrow?” he questions.</p><p>“Nope. I’m all yours,” he says and Renjun gives him an enthusiastic nod before pulling him back into a kiss. </p><p> </p><p>Jaemin opens the door to find Nana splayed out on his bed, mindlessly scrolling on his phone. </p><p>“Hey, you’re back,” he greets, sitting up straight. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Nana purses his lips, watching him with a look of concern. “Are you like… leaving right now? Because I think I can sneak you into the kitchen after mum goes to sleep so we can have one last dinner together,” he says and Jaemin’s stomach turns with guilt.</p><p>“Actually… I told Renjun we’ll be going on a road trip tomorrow. You know, just for the weekend,” he says sheepishly, sitting down on the bed across from him.</p><p>Nana tilts his head in confusion. “Why would you do that? I can’t hang out with him tomorrow, I have to drive mum to our grandparents.”</p><p>“Yeah, well. I was thinking <em> I </em> could go with him.”</p><p>Nana frowns. “Jaemin. It’s been seven days.”</p><p>“I know, I know, but I just can’t bring myself to leave now,” Jaemin explains.</p><p>“This isn’t what we agreed on,” he argues, “I specifically mentioned ‘no more than seven days.’”</p><p>“I <em> know </em> and I’m sorry. But can’t I just go? It’s only two days and I’ll be out of here by Monday, I promise,” he offers. </p><p>Nana ponders it for a second. “No.”</p><p>“Why not? You can’t even go yourself!” Jaemin raises his voice. </p><p>“<em> Because </em>. We both know if I give you this chance you’ll just ask for more days and more days after that. We had a deal,” Nana crosses his arms against his chest.</p><p>“Yeah and that deal is bullshit!” Jaemin yells, jumping out of bed. “It’s been ten years, Nana! You can’t expect me to be fine with just a week! It passed by so quickly!” </p><p>“This isn’t your timeline. You don’t get to decide what and when something happens! You can’t stay here forever!” Nana warns, standing up in front of him.</p><p>“Well why do you get to be with him, huh? Why do I have to be the loser while you go on and live your best life with him? Why you and not me?!” he screams, hot tears threatening to run down his face.</p><p>“I <em> am </em> you!” Nana announces, stepping closer to him. “Jaemin,” he lowers his voice, searching for Jaemin’s eyes. “There is no me <em> and </em> you. There’s only us. I am part of you just as much as you are part of me.” </p><p>Jaemin wipes at the tears staining his cheeks. He feels pathetic and frustrated and most of all, angry. He’s angry at the universe and at himself and at Renjun and Nana. And the worst part is, there’s no one to really blame for this. He lifts his head to look at the boy in front of him through his hazy vision and realises he can’t even blame <em> him </em>. Because he knows he’s right. </p><p>“I gotta go,” he says before grabbing a jacket and running out the door.</p><p>“Jaemin it’s 10 PM, where are you going?” Nana calls out.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>“Jaemin? What’s wrong, baby?” Renjun asks upon opening the front door.</p><p>“I don’t wanna go,” Jaemin mumbles, tears still streaming down his face.</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Renjun guides him to sit down on the living room couch. “Hey, look at me. What happened?” he questions with a gentle voice which makes Jaemin’s heart shrink. </p><p>“I don’t wanna leave you,” he confesses before he can stop himself. </p><p>Renjun cups his cheek and examines his face. “It’s not you, is it?” he whispers.</p><p>Jaemin panics and opens his mouth to protest, but Renjun interrupts him.</p><p>“Don’t worry. It’s okay.”</p><p>“You knew?” he asks breathlessly.</p><p>“I didn’t know for sure,” Renjun offers him a pained smile, “but I felt it.” His hands reach out to wipe Jaemin’s cheeks. “I know it hurts you, baby. But you have to let me go.” </p><p>Jaemin tries to shake his head. </p><p>“I am not meant to be with you in your timeline, but you have to promise me you won’t give up, okay?” </p><p>Jaemin gives him a hesitant nod.</p><p>“There’s someone else there, waiting for you… and you can’t leave them hanging, yeah?” </p><p>Jaemin nods fully now and pulls him into a hug. He rests his head on Renjun’s shoulder and tries to steady his breath.</p><p>“I love you,” he states meekly.</p><p>“I love you too. And a part of me will always be with a part of you, but you have to go home now,” Renjun says as he’s patting his head. </p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin breaks away, looking at him one last time, “I’ll go now.”</p><p>A small smile finds Renjun’s lips. “See you on the other side.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>Jaemin discards the bright clothes on the bed in favour of his freshly washed all-black outfit. He scans the room for a second before glancing at Nana.</p><p>“I guess this is it.” </p><p>Nana gets up from his chair and walks towards him. “Yeah.” </p><p>“Listen, dude, I’m sor—”</p><p>“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Nana interrupts, “I would have done the same.”</p><p>“Thanks. For everything,” he hesitates, “I mean it,” he extends a hand and Nana looks at it with an amused smile before opening his arms.</p><p>“Bring it in, sad boy.” </p><p>Jaemin lets out a laugh and hugs him. “I’ll see you around.”</p><p>“Yeah, don’t ever come here again.”</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p>“The feeling is mutual.”</p><p>“Why are you so obsessed with me?” </p><p>“You wish.”</p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p>“No, you don’t.”</p><p>“...yeah. I don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p>Jaemin looks at his watch. 11:55 PM. “<em> Time passes differently too! </em>” Ah, makes sense. He looks in the mirror again. His hair is still faded and the circles under his eyes are still dark, but he somehow looks less tired than before. Happier, perhaps. </p><p>He opens the door to the bathroom and steps back into the party.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Jeno asks, handing him a champagne glass.</p><p>Jaemin watches as Renjun holds the birthday cake and smiles at Donghyuck. The image tugs at his heartstrings.</p><p>“Not really,” he says with a fond smile, “but I will be.” </p><p>Chenle pats him on the back. “I’m proud of you, Jaem,” he says with a knowing wink.</p><p>“Thanks, buddy.”</p><p>The song ends and Renjun spots him from across the room. They make eye contact and Jaemin raises his glass in a silent toast, which Renjun mirrors with a wide grin and two words: “To us.”</p><p>Jaemin breaks into a smile. “To us,” he mouths back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! :D<br/>criticism is appreciated! you can also come say hi on <a href="https://twitter.com/yongtenz">twitter</a>!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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